“你有兩頭母牛” ／ “You have 2 cows” 原來是上世紀初流行的 “假如你有兩頭母牛” 的比喻。是經濟學入門，用 “你有兩頭母牛” 來說明在不同體制下可能有的經濟行為。久而久之被延伸成政治笑話。人們用幽默，詼諧的口氣，用最容易了解的方式來解釋 “如果你有兩頭牛” 在不同國家裡，可能會有的經濟行為，藉以描寫不同國家的民族性。雖然只是玩笑，我看著看著簡直笑翻了！在這裡只是貼著好玩，不再予以翻譯。
I. 不同的經濟體制下：
SOCIALISM
You have two cows.
The government takes one and give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM
You have two cows.
The government takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM （法西斯極端主義）
You have two cows.
The government takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM （納粹式）
You have two cows.
The government shoots you because you call one Winston. (即邱吉爾 Winston Churchill）
BUREAUCRACY （官僚式）
You have two cows.
The government takes both, shoots one, milks the other,
and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
You herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
BAIN CAPITALISM （貝恩資本主義）
You have two cows.
You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows
and then act surprised when it drops dead.
(Bain represents creative destruction！ 例：Bain buys a company, loads it with debt and then sucks out cash before foisting the wounded business upon an unsuspecting buyer or a bankruptcy court. ）
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have 2 cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The publlic then buys your bull. 哈哈哈哈
SURREALISM （超現實主義者）
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
A CHRISTIAN:
You have two cows.
You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows,
forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous. (哈哈哈哈 ！！！一定是共和黨寫的！）
II.在不同的國家裡：
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force th other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
(Then you’ve got to employ the Socialism concept to step in and rescue the Capitalist cows when the Capitalist system collapses!!!)
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
AN BRAZILIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows
You enter into a partnership with an American corporation.
Soon yo have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN BRITTISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad. They die.
Pass the shepherd’s pie, please. （Shephers’s pie 肉餅）
AN CANADIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows
producing enough milk for ten times your population.
You sell the rights to all of it to the US and buy the sour milk back at twice the price.
You then get upset that the US has fresher milk.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You cliam full employment, and high bovine productivity, （牛的生產力）
and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
（好寫真啊！）
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years,
eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks.
You eat both of them.
The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.
The IMF loans you two cows.
You eat both of them.
The baks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk.
You are out getting a haircut.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You worship them.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You decide to have lunch.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy.
（伊拉克由美國布什帶頭炸爛了以後，人們並沒有發現任何核武或化學武器。十年以來，每天仍有爆炸案之類報復，爭權事件發生。至今，伊拉克死亡人數已達
SOCIALISM
You have two cows.
The government takes one and give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM
You have two cows.
The government takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM （法西斯極端主義）
You have two cows.
The government takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM （納粹式）
You have two cows.
The government shoots you because you call one Winston. (即邱吉爾 Winston Churchill）
BUREAUCRACY （官僚式）
You have two cows.
The government takes both, shoots one, milks the other,
and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
You herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
BAIN CAPITALISM （貝恩資本主義）
You have two cows.
You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows
and then act surprised when it drops dead.
(Bain represents creative destruction！ 例：Bain buys a company, loads it with debt and then sucks out cash before foisting the wounded business upon an unsuspecting buyer or a bankruptcy court. ）
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have 2 cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The publlic then buys your bull. 哈哈哈哈
SURREALISM （超現實主義者）
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
A CHRISTIAN:
You have two cows.
You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows,
forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous. (哈哈哈哈 ！！！一定是共和黨寫的！）
II.在不同的國家裡：
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force th other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
(Then you’ve got to employ the Socialism concept to step in and rescue the Capitalist cows when the Capitalist system collapses!!!)
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
AN BRAZILIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows
You enter into a partnership with an American corporation.
Soon yo have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN BRITTISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad. They die.
Pass the shepherd’s pie, please. （Shephers’s pie 肉餅）
AN CANADIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows
producing enough milk for ten times your population.
You sell the rights to all of it to the US and buy the sour milk back at twice the price.
You then get upset that the US has fresher milk.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You cliam full employment, and high bovine productivity, （牛的生產力）
and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
（好寫真啊！）
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years,
eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks.
You eat both of them.
The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.
The IMF loans you two cows.
You eat both of them.
The baks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk.
You are out getting a haircut.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You worship them.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You decide to have lunch.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy.
（伊拉克由美國布什帶頭炸爛了以後，人們並沒有發現任何核武或化學武器。十年以來，每天仍有爆炸案之類報復，爭權事件發生。至今，伊拉克死亡人數已達
而美方在戰場上死亡4,409人，傷31,928人。戰後夢魘平均每天有18位退役軍人自殺。當然也有因心理問題，對周遭的人造成生命威脅的槍擊意外！段末提的民主政治，在這裡具諷刺意味！）
A ISRAELI CORPORATION:
There are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights.
They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows,
but you don’t know where they are. You decided to have lunch.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them
so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called “Cowkimon” and market it worldwide.
A NEW ZEALEAND CORPORATION
You have two cows,
The one on the left looks very attractive.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka（伏特加酒，俄國人以醉酒出名）.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows,
none of which belongs to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
（瑞士銀行曾經替客戶暗藏保管不論來源的錢，借以牟利）
A TALIBAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You turn them loose in the Afghan “countryside” and they both die.
You blame the godless American， infidels（在此指非回教徒） and the Jews.
A ISRAELI CORPORATION:
There are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights.
They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows,
but you don’t know where they are. You decided to have lunch.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them
so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called “Cowkimon” and market it worldwide.
A NEW ZEALEAND CORPORATION
You have two cows,
The one on the left looks very attractive.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka（伏特加酒，俄國人以醉酒出名）.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows,
none of which belongs to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
（瑞士銀行曾經替客戶暗藏保管不論來源的錢，借以牟利）
A TALIBAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You turn them loose in the Afghan “countryside” and they both die.
You blame the godless American， infidels（在此指非回教徒） and the Jews.
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